They say confession is good for the soul. Therefore, I have one to make right now. I do not drink alcohol. Neither socially nor anti-socially. Nor drunkenly. Nor in any other way. Nevertheless, I cannot deny the obvious benefits to social drinking. They are “plastered” all across the minds of thoughtful people like myself. For the present discussion I will list five of these benefits, though I admit there are possibly several others.

1. You get to be social.
The very phrase “social drinking” indicates that drinking socially means you’re being social. That’s why it’s called “social” drinking. The implication is that if you’re not drinking alcohol you’re some kind of anti-social weirdo. Everybody knows this, even if it’s not widely discussed.

Dictionary.com defines social as “seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.” I mean, who doesn’t want to be gregarious? And how can you be gregarious while chugging spring water? Or even coca-cola? You cannot properly enjoy the company of others who drink unless you yourself are also drinking a similar type of alcoholic beverage.

2. You get to drink.
Beer commercials tell us that everybody really wants to drink alcohol, especially beer. More specifically they want to drink that particular brand of beer currently being advertised. Social drinking gives you that opportunity to partake of a questionable activity that the bible does not specifically forbid. As an added benefit you get to drink a beverage that tastes really horrible, even worse than coffee.

3. You may accidentally get drunk.
Let’s face it, the ultimate goal of drinking is to get drunk, or at least to get a “buzz on,” which means you’re not completely sloshed but at least you’re feeling the effects of the booze. You feel slightly relaxed. Perhaps a bit light-headed. More comfortable talking to strangers. The buzz might even help you flirt more effectively with members of the opposite sex. This is really helpful for Christians and pastors who might otherwise feel inhibited in their desire to push the boundaries of marital fidelity.

Let’s face it. Some people are still prudish when it comes to adultery. They’re not really sure if they should commit it. Alcohol helps remove some of these hang-ups, at least temporality, before the guilt comes rushing in like a flood.

4. You may inspire others to drink.
There could be someone you know who is hesitant to take that first sip. But if they see you doing it they will be encouraged to do it themselves. This is a great way to get your kids started on the sauce. I highly recommend that you drink at home, in front of the kids. It’s much more difficult to inspire your kids to drink if they don’t actually see you doing it. So no more closet drinking. It’s time to come out. Get it out in the open. Drink at the dinner table if you have too. Start with a little wine. Then some beer. Before you know it the entire family will be lining up for liquor and doing shots together at the basement bar.

5. You could lead someone to become an alcoholic.
Studies show that every alcoholic started with just one drink, namely their first one. That first one led to a second and then a third and so on. But nobody becomes an alcoholic overnight. They have to start somewhere. And just think, you can have the privilege of being the one to get them started down a road of self-destruction, where they could eventually lose their jobs, their families, their sanity, possibly their lives and eventually their very souls.

So don’t put if off any longer. Become a “sipping saint.” Start today. And stay tuned for my upcoming post on the benefits of sexual immorality.

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